By Shoshana Zohari
When I look deep inside and consider my life, I can’t honestly say that I started doing this for all the right reasons. I became Torah-observant because my husband is a convert. He went to the Beit Din (Rabbinic court) before we were married, so they had a lot of questions for me concerning my commitment to Jewish observance. Would I keep a strictly kosher home? Did I plan to cover my hair after the wedding? Had my future husband and I learned the laws of Family Purity, including the obligation of monthly separation and immersion in the mikvah? It was a lot of nuts and bolts – each one necessary to ensure that the Jewish life we planned together would run in a smooth and halachically acceptable way. After all, they weren’t going to convert this guy if his future wife wasn’t going to tow the Torah line.
Of course I answered yes to all of the questions. And I meant it, too. But it was a commitment of the mind more than one of the heart. After all, I was already Jewish and felt that I had nothing to prove and nothing to lose by setting off for these new and uncharted lands. If that was the fare to ride this ride, then I was willing to pay it – if not for myself, then at least out of love for my future husband.
And so it went.
We got married and built a life together in which we slowly became more and more religious, eventually adopting a Chabad-Chassidic lifestyle. I grew into my role as a Torah-observant woman and found great meaning in it, especially as each of our three children came along. Despite my own deep spiritual growth as a woman, wife and mother, I had not yet taken ownership of my soul-journey. It was still something attached to the other people in my life – husband, children and community. My search for greater self-actualization was coming up short and my sense of connectedness was starting to slip.
So I took what seemed like a very novel approach and actually asked G-d to send me some good people to raise me up. And that’s how I joined the Bais Chana family. The details and hashgacha pratis are just too complicated to describe (which is usually the case in instances of true Divine intervention). In short: G-d sent the Bais Chana teen program right into my own backyard, and He tapped me to be their local expert on all things Colorado. Swept into a whirlwind of work and excitement that completely consumed me, I felt a passion for this group and their goals that I had never experienced before. An unconditional love for these young Jewish women blossomed inside me causing my soul to flow with an internal strength that I had not yet experienced since becoming Torah observant so many years ago.
The ultimate gift came when some very generous people made it possible for me to attend the women’s program that was held in Bais Chana’s hometown of S. Paul, Minnesota immediately after the teen program ended. It was there that I truly came into my own. At once nurturing and challenging – as well as completely non-judgmental – I tried out my new wings of Jewish pride. And boy did those wings let me fly. It was four days of learning, talking, praying, and connecting. We were all in it together and no one was prepared to let anyone slip for lack of love or support. Those four days sealed what had been a summer of tremendous personal growth. Now that I’m home, our lives are infused with the confidence and delight that Bais Chana gave me when it tapped my soul.
Shoshana Zohari lives in Denver, Colorado with her husband, Nachshon. She homeschools their children Vadi, Sheliya, Shalom and Baila, and is currently pursuing training to become a natural childbirth educator. Check out how Nachshon Zohari fuses Kabbalah and psychology on www.growyoursoul.com.